Several weeks ago my heart was taken by a 6 mo old CAG baby, "she" was in a pet store and after several visits the bonding seemed to be two sided. My husband was with me for all of the visits, during which we all met and discussed the possible long term commitment, responsibilities and life style changes. We made the commitment, my love for baby Zoe won. I was now Nana to a loving bundle of outgoing curiosity. Zoe appeared to be adapting well to all the new things in her world, after a day she settled in, chatting, baby grinding, whistling and talking. Then my world with her changed, after being with her the first 5 days, at her beck and whistle, I had to return to work. I left the tv on, gave her food, water and her favorite toys. WOW when I returned that evening, she bit, ran away screaming and seemed to instantly fall for my husband, whom she had met just a few times. After some research, I found my error, I forgot to tell her where I was going and that I would return, I sat and spoke to her for a long time explaining what I did and the working hours, also, after things settled, she could go to work with me after we got the screaming under control. Things have been a little better, we have floated in a truce, the previous bond was gone. She still shuns me, runs away, whistles and talks to my husband, only playing with me, if she does not know he is home or if she cannot see or hear him. I am sure you can tell that I am now heart sick, for I still love her dearly and long to pet and play with her in the manner that she allows my husband to. I still remain her primary caretaker, and nurse maid. What happened to cause such a swift solid bond from myself to my husband ? Is there anything I can do to regain her love and trust or am I relegated to caregiver in the background? Heartsick Nana....

I'm assuming that CAG means Congo African Grey. As another who is owned by one of these beauties, you may have seen her in the picture of me on the site, I KNOW they can be a challenge but with time and love yours will come around. You have to let go of the guilt and sadness or "she" will continue to use that emotion on you as a pry bar to get her way.

The best advice I can give you is to invest in the book, "Guide to a Well-Behaved Parrot" by Mattie Sue Athan. ASAP! Read each and every page as you will be repeatedly tested by your new baby (for the rest of your life).

Resist the desire to have "her" ride around on your shoulder as you are allowing her to be the BIG bird (in charge) when you do this. Keep her only on your forearm or better yet on your index finger with your thumb on her claws. It's all these subtle things that will put you back where you should be. Keep her cage at a height where her eyes can not be higher that yours for any extended length of time. These things are covered in the book but you can get started with these now, while you are waiting for the book to arrive. When she starts screaming it's because she is having too much stimulus. Cover her cage and allow her to "take a nap" or "time out" until things settle down. This is the ONLY way to show her that you understand that she needs a break from the world. Most of the cage covers they can see through so you'll notice that she might try to continue to engage you (manipulate...), while the cover is on. IGNORE this until time is up - at least a half hour - then go over and remove it as though nothing was wrong and just get on with life.

Bird Talk magazine often has great articles about behaviors, tips, etc.

There will be many sweet times but please, keep her wings trimmed and LIMIT her flights in your house or you'll be finding yourself signing up for a LOST Pet Reading. . . and you really don't want to put yourself through that trauma. (Birds are seldom recovered if they get out and about!)

Try music instead of the TV. Classical, Opera, Jazz, Blues, Blue Grass channels are best. How about lullabies? Stay away from rock and roll, even the golden oldies of rock can rev these guys up too much.

Now, start reading your new book "Guide to a Well-Behaved Parrot" and enjoy your new friend. Keep me posted. Love, Laura

Recently my budgie (parakeet) was very ill. We went to the vet and we nursed her back to health. She is well now but I do not think she is happy. I would love to know what I could do to help her but she is still very shy and seems depressed. Is there a technique for me to be able to communicate with her? I would love to know, I have always been quite close to her, I can sense things sometimes. Also I always thought she was a girl but her cere is changing colour, she is now about 4 years old, is there a way she could tell me if she realy is a girl? Rod

The best way to tell your birds sex is to have her sexed at the vets. They will take some blood and run a DNA test. Then you get a Certificate of Sex from the lab and you know. To ask the bird is another form of guessing. If they don't have a frame of reference about male and female they won't know what you are asking and basically tell you what you want to hear.

Give her a couple of drops of Resuce Remedy in her water for about a week until this depression clears up. Being withdrawn right know hampers her comunication. Just love your dear budgie and Read some of the tips about communicating with your pets on the web site. Take care, Laura

I'm having problems communicating with my four parakeets: joy, blessing, levi, and christian. Joy used to be the sweetest bird until her mate was killed by a small pomeranian. We bought another mate and he died. Bought another and he died too. Then we bought three more to keep her company. She's now not so sweet any more, she bites me and is very crabby.do you think I can get her to talk to me again or communicate with any of the other birds?

Joy was traumatized by first, her mate's "untimely" death. Second, before she got settled the other 2 new birds died. So that would be triple trauma. Now with these 3 new birds she's just waiting for them to die or her. Bad situation! Try a couple of drops of Rescue Remedy, you can find it at a health food store, in their water to calm her down and try spending time just with her. These new bird-roommates are just too much for her right now.

She needs you to be easy and stop rushing things in her life. Have you tried calming music for the birds? Try the classical music channel and no rock and roll for awhile. Take things at a slower pace, Laura

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